March 2010


This blog is going to be taking an extended vacation for a litle while. With all that is going on at home now and school I can’t take this on at the moment. I will be back and if you would like to know when that will be, just hit the email subscribe button to the right and you will be notified when the blog is back up and running again. I’m sorry to all who read this blog for the inconvenience. Don’t worry, I’ll be back.

Love.

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I woke up late and almost missed the bus but I got on just in time. Good thing, too. I wouldn’t want to miss hanging with Ian again. I made my breakfast quick, not waiting for a bagel, and just grabbed a cereal cup once I went into the school. When I came out I was greeted with a bombardment of hugs by Amanda and Venus. And wouldn’t you know it, Ian, Rita, and Shaira were there as well. Things were fine until Frankie came outside with a couple of his friends to screw with me and Ian. He asked us if we were really going out. Yes. If we’ve hugged at all. Yes. And if we kissed each other. No. He tried to encourage us to kiss each other right there. But it seemed pretty odd just doing it right then and there and why would we want to satisfy them?

Homeroom was a bit odd. I told Ella and a couple other friends about how it went telling my parents. Once I started talking about it the whole class went silent. I was in mid-story when I looked up to see EVERYONE staring at me. I could have sworn I was only talking to one person.

The day started with Math, in which I can finally understand some of the things we are learning about. Finally! Then we had English. I think the teacher forgot about yesterday’s incident with my smart remark. But I was laying low the whole class trying not to get any attention.

Then was Science where we got assigned groups for our astronomy project. Let me tell you. I got absolutely screwed with this one! I would have preferred any other group then the one I had now. Hell there was one which included Shaira, Rita, and Charles. One had Ricky and Jonathan. And another had my friends Jenelle and Leah. But no I get caught in a group of strangers and a psycho bitch!

Next was FACS which turned into a study since the teacher wasn’t there for like the millionth time! And of course she had to leave a worksheet for us to finish. But me and Sam just said ‘screw this’ and went straight for our homework. Any of the answers on the worksheet would be common sense to a normal person as I scanned it over before tossing it aside.

Lunch was amazing. I had gotten so pissed at Doug since he kept throwing food and got knows what else at me. Something even hit my eye which felt like a rock, or just the crappy cafeteria food. Then Andrew had said to him, “Doug! You hatin’ on **** because he’s gay?” Doug just smiled and said, “No. I just don’t want a friend who could potentially butt fuck me.” He thought he was so smart. So I got in the game. And I ended it fast. “I told you Doug, I’m not into pussy.” I had said back at him. The whole table made an “Oooh!” which made Doug sink into his seat and whisper, “Faggot…” which was the key word in letting me know I had won.

Next was Latin, where I continued to pry at Devon to tell me why he was upset with me, but to no avail. Then we had History. The teacher is really starting to get on my nerves saying, “I heard that!” every time I talk to Sam. Lastly was directed study where I continued to lay low form our English teacher who watched our class.

“Hey Christian!” Shaira told me as I was about to leave. “Ian said he wanted to see you.” I hadn’t expected Ian to call me. I had walked down to his hall way where I spotted him coming down the ramp. “Shaira said you wanted to see me?” He said yes as he lead me to the corner of the main lobby. He looked at me for a few seconds, and then moved toward me as he pressed his lips to mine.

OMG! I just got kissed by a boy, and a cute one, for the first time! He looked at me and said, “Happy?” with a smile. “Yes.” I said with a big grin on my face. As I left the building I saw a group of kids I knew, Chris, Yuki, and Avi, staring at me. I think they saw what just happened, and they were as shocked as I was.

I gave Ella a huge hug when I met her at the bus stop, and told her what happened. “Yay!” she said back to me, and we hugged while apparently spinning in circles. A bunch of sixth graders had followed me and Ella onto the bus and this one kid, Reed, had called me out in front of everyone about Ian. Of course I had nothing to hide, and that became the topic of discussion the whole ride home.

I’m home now. Freezing my ass off. And of course thinking about that big event. When I thought about it, the kiss was pretty weird. Probably because he caught me of guard and I couldn’t kiss him back. It was still incredibly cute of him.

And there’s one more thing I want to ask everyone here. Do you think me and Ian are going a bit fast? That thought kind of haunts me. Rita had told me of a time where she had a relationship that went too fast and they broke up shortly. I really don’t want that to happen. Leave a comment of your opinion below.

Love.

A special thank you to all who encouraged me to finally tell my parents, and helped me obtain the courage i needed to say it to them! Hugs and Love to you all!

Well my boring school day isn’t important but I guess I have to describe the whole day. I came into the hangout as usual, yet this time greeted by a glomp, defined as a powerful hug that causes you to go a bit off balance, from Ian. We did our usual thing talking about current events in our lives and how our weekend went. I wasn’t thinking about anything except what was going to happen when I told my folks, though.

So it started with Math, semi-bore, then Latin, where I am starting to get irritated with Devon since he’s acting like I’m disgusting now and denies it too when it’s clear as day. Then was science, eh… Then gym, where we’re starting health class by talking about drugs and alcohol and the same noise they’ve been spewing at us since kindergarten. Next was lunch where I sat with Rita and Shaira, a nice break from the usual asses I sit with. Next was History, English, then Drama.

I had to stay after because I had to get some late work through with. At some point I think I had lost my mind because with the stress of Ian waiting along with what was about to occur, I had said something in which I immediately kicked myself. The teacher had said, “Oh, I am so tired I have to deal with all you kids!” Somehow I had just thought of her as a normal person, to which I responded, “Stop complaining.” And, oh, she shot me down cold. she had this long run-on sentence about my disrespect and that kind of noise and now I have a detention.

Now for the highlight of the day. Hooray! Ian had ended up waiting for me along with Shaira, too. So we took my route home, talking to each other about the good times in our lives (his arm around me). Then we walked into my house, and at this point I was ready to vomit. I walked up to my mom, after kicking my sister out of the room, and said, “Mom?” And nothing else. I was trying to get the words out. I tried to let Ian tell her but he didn’t. That wouldn’t have been a good thing though. I needed to tell her myself. She had started to get irritated which got me more frustrated. I kept trying to go through with this at the right angle. Then…

“I’m gay.” Oh, lord! I didn’t want it to just come out like that! “No you’re not!” was my mom’s first impression. Like this was a surprise. No one ever believes me. Makes sense, though, seeing as I don’t look, act, talk, or seem gay in any way. Boy I would’ve passed off as the perfect straight guy. After I insisted I wasn’t lying she was speechless. She just sent both me and Ian away as she called my father.

Me and Ian went outside where we sat on the bench on our porch. I felt like throwing up for good now. Ian tried to reassure me it was all going to be okay but I still had those worries. We just waited and talked until my mom said that my dad wanted to talk on the phone.

“Hey,” Dad began over the phone in a private room. “What’s going on?” I told him it was hard enough telling mom and I didn’t want to repeat it. “That’s fine. Look. I’m not mad. I don’t love you any less than I did ten minutes ago.” (Where have I heard that before?) ” I love you all the same. I just want to know why you would tell all your friends at school this and not us. Maybe it was a relief or something. I don’t know. But I don’t want you to be defined as what your sexuality is. I don’t want you to be ‘that gay guy’ or anything like that. And you can see how this can come off as a shock to your mother and I, right?” I agreed, also telling him how he’s handling it better than mom was. “Well that’s her then. But I don’t want it to seem like we care about you less.” We continued to talk about those things until mom came in the room wanting to talk to dad some more. He had suggested I send Ian home.

I went back out to Ian and told him what happened. He said that he hoped everything works out for me, and gave me a hug goodbye. From that point on I just sat on the porch thinking, trying not to throw up, and listening to The Cure.

I try to laugh about it
Cover it all up with lies
I try and Laugh about it
Hiding the tears in my eyes
’cause boys don’t cry
Boys don’t cry


My mom later called me in to take my medicine (I’ve been on Azithromycin for my bronchitis I’ve had for a while now) and to talk to her about it.

She wasn’t happy about Ian being there so she couldn’t react correctly. The thing was I never ended up telling her about me and Ian seeing as she and my dad didn’t want me being in a relationship at my age. I would’ve told them but something didn’t let me. I probably would have if she asked but she would have never expected it, even though I told her Ian was bisexual.

She also said that she wasn’t crying about this because of me being gay, but that I chose to talk to my friends first before her and that I don’t really tell her much of anything these days. I really felt bad about it seeing as she felt so strongly about it, too.

Dad also came home to repeat our conversation over the phone in more depth and in person. He left my room at the end of it, gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek saying, “I love you, son.”

Well now it’s over… Almost. My siblings still don’t know but  they will eventually. I just don’t think they’ll be as understanding as my parents were. Things I think are still cooling down between me and my parents but I hope it all works out in the end.

Love.

This deserves a whole new post.

I have been talking to Ian and Rita the whole night. We have officially decided to come out to our parents. Ian had sent an email to his mother saying everything. It also included a little bit about me. I thought that was sweet of him. Now it’s going to be my turn this Monday. Me and Ian are going to meet up after school and I am going to send my mom a text message seeing as talking is way too hard.

Wish me luck. I don’t know if dad is going to find out right away or if it will be a secret between me and mom. But either way I hope it all works out.

Love.

I had been talking with Shaira, Rita, and Charlie last night about our project and then just a friendly chat with everyone. Just a random current events session. Then Ian came along asking about me saying I liked his hair (and I love it!) He has nice long blond hair down to his chest! Gorgeous! Then Shaira, Rita, and Charles left me and Ian alone. They wanted Ian to ask me out. Rita kept on in a separate chat asking how it was going and if he asked me yet but he was stalling. It was all going wonderful until my dad started screaming about how he was having trouble tearing apart our old couch. And as you know I’m really not supposed to be on my computer. So I had to give a quick “gtg” and left without another word, leaving poor Ian alone. I felt like an ass.

But today I was excited to see them all again and ended up skipping breakfast. But I didn’t really care. I wanted Ian to ask me so bad and I swear if he didn’t do it before the bells I would do it myself. I had been shifting from Ian to Shaira to Rita to Amanda and Venus to Brian. All I wanted was for Ian to freaking ask me! He was being sweet to me like when I was returning Brian’s kinky gloves but I told Brian to get my hat from his friend Taylor who had stolen it earlier. He didn’t want to play that game so he tried to just take the gloves. But Ian came in like a knight in shining armor and made Brian obey.

Then Brain-cheek-poking-hat-stealing Taylor came over again and knocked my hat off my head. She then picked it up and ran off with it. I began chasing her with Brian close behind. We had gotten all the way to almost the other side of the school building when a tall figure with flowing blond hair came rushing past us after Taylor. I stopped and shouted, “Go Ian!” and watched them disappear into the crowd of people.

Ian came out later with my hat and Taylor behind him, defeated. We walked back to our hangout spot where it was just about to go in. Apparently all our other friends were going in and it was just me left with Ian. He looked at me, I looked back…

“Ella!” I shouted to her as she came into homeroom. “Great news!” I shouted as I gave her a big bear hug. Ella giggled along with Sam who was right next to us. “What is it?” I looked up at her. “I have a boyfriend,” I whispered into her ear, not letting anyone else hear. She gaped at me with a big open-mouthed smile. “Who?” I was floating off the ground by now. “Ian ****!” They all knew him as Shaira’s ex-boyfriend. “No way!” she shouted. Sam was wondering what was up and I moved my lips into the form of the sentence ‘I have a boyfriend’. He surprisingly understood and asked me who it was. I told him it was Ian and he was so very happy for us.

Ian had popped the question on me right as we were going into school. I was just about to ask him myself at that point, too. My god I didn’t feel my feet on the ground the whole day. Right when he asked me I gave an immediate “Yes!” and gave him a huge hug. I then found Shaira and told her the good news. Her face lit up and she told me how happy she was for us and gave me a hug. So many hugs going around today. I walked in with Ian and we gave each other one more great hug before we went into our separate grades. Most people wouldn’t think of going out with someone in a lower grade than them but Ian is just so sweet and his hair is irresistible!

I hardly paid attention to my classes today because all I could think about was Ian, Ian, Ian! I had told Devon and a couple other friends, but I couldn’t find Rita anywhere. She was the one who would mostly want to hear this. Devon was not very happy for me however which really got me angry at him. Why not be happy? Your friend has finally found someone he can be happy with and you hate it? I told him, “How dare you be that way!” He was acting like it was something wrong and I thought we went over this. I suppose he had still not been the same though ever since I told him a while ago.

I had told Dan about it in Latin and he was happy with it. After that I shouted it over to Devon that Dan was such a good friend. Devon tried to reason with Dan to get him on his side but Dan being a good person said that it was perfectly fine. Next was Gym where we were playing Pickleball… Pickleball? It was really just oversized ping-pong with a badminton net. then we had History where Dan kept the whole class in stitches during our propaganda presentations acting like and outraged and insane man speaking his mind. He reminded me of Dr. Frankenstein from the movie where he was screaming to a college class. It was hilarious.

Our next period was directed study. Oh boy. I had got in there and already the entire school knew about me and Ian. This is just like the incident with me coming out. Frankie and his friends were being their usual asshole selves talking about gross inappropriate things. Then I was called over to awful-question-asking Taylor’s table where her and her friends Sarah, Maria, Ally, and a few others wanted to talk about me… again. They asked me the usual who’s hot and who’s not and some about Ian. Taylor asked the usual stupid questions and once she asked if I would give Ian a BJ I just turned and said, “Okay you are the biggest dumb bitch I have ever known.” That didn’t make her shut up but it did make her tone down the descriptive questions.

At the end they ended up dragging me over to a table of boys and making me rate them. The girls said they wouldn’t have a clue but they obviously knew exactly what was going on. I only got in one answer for one guy named Richie, who was a solid 8, before curling up in a ball on the floor laughing. Wow it was embarrassing.

At lunch Doug was his Dougly self and I got the first question, “****, do you really have a boyfriend?” I told them ‘yes’ but I didn’t give them a name for Ian’s sake. But that idea was shortly ruined by Ricky yelling out his name for all to hear. They were mocking me seeing as he was a seventh grader but I think either me or Ian could punch any of their lights out.

Next on the agenda was Math in which I told John, keeping it a secret form Chris and Adam, though. He was happy for me as well (it’s just Devon…) And then was Science where we watched a movie on the beginning of the universe with the Big Bang and all that. The only thing that caught my attention was that apparently human life is only going to be around for something-billion more years before the sun dies in a balloon type way and we get incinerated… Wow.

Last period was English which was boring and HOT! I felt like dying. When the day was over Shaira took me to see Ian on her way out. We greeted with hugs and a hello. But guess who followed us? I heard a voice from a certain “friend” who has been a recent pain-in-the-ass lately. “There you are!” Devon said from behind us. Devon was really being an ass around us and I just put my head down and waited for him to leave. After he was gone Ian didn’t seem to know what was going on with Devon. “He doesn’t like us,” I had told him. Ian said it was no big deal and he can fight so if it was necessary there shouldn’t be any problems.

We left each other with a hug and I was on my way to the bus with Brian. Next week will be his leaving day also known as my saddest day. But it happens I guess. Doesn’t mean I won’t cry.

Spring must be in the air! I love it! I also came home to almost a brand new couch. It was a lot bigger than it seemed in the store. The corner piece was also missing and I’ll have to bring it up into the house form the garage later.

Love. and:

MBTA stands for Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority by the way.

So today started not so well. I got on the bus and overpaid for my fare. But the driver had the fare counter on the wrong setting. It was set to the normal fare rate rather than a student one. So I didn’t get my change. I told him I wanted it and was starting to get a bit teed off. He says in not even complete sentences, “go just let the next guy on.” I looked at him funny and tried telling him ‘no’ but he obviously didn’t care. “Give me my freaking money!” I shouted smacking the wooden sign on the back of his chair, almost snapping it in two. It was obvious he wasn’t going to give it to me so I just said, “Screw you,” and walked to the back of the bus with my middle finger in the air behind me.

Then on my way off the bus he told me to stop so he could talk to me. “Don’t be coming in here when I try to talk to you with those headphones on,” He said in an annoyed tone. It was obvious he didn’t see me take off the headphones when I told him to give me my god damn money in the first place. “I don’t give you the money because I see you get on for free all the time. I count it and ten times you get on for free. Remember?” I looked at him with an I-don’t-really-give-a-damn expression on my face. “No,” I said with a smartass attitude which I have mastered so well. “No? Well I see you get on for free all the time and if anything you owe me ten bus fares. Now explain yourself to me!” I was in no mood for him anymore. I walked off the bus all cool and held up my middle finger once more as he drove away. The crossing lady asked me what was up with the bus driver. All I could say was, “He’s an asshole.”

I made my usual routine of breakfast and headed into homeroom where I told Ella about the situation. “Oh my god, Christian!” she said. She seemed pretty annoyed with me. Apparently my attitude wasn’t appropriate toward the bus driver. But she wasn’t there.

We started with Science where we are now learning about astronomy which I am starting to actually get into. then we had History in which we worked on or propaganda some more. Then was Latin,and then to directed study. In study I sat with Frankie and his friends along with his ex-girlfriend Leila. We talked about the you-know-what and a lot about what we liked about Frankie.

Frankie started listening and wanted to know what we were saying about him and said, “Maybe if you tell em it would improve your chances with me.” I just gave him a ‘yeah right’ but he kept on insisting I tell him. I doubted it would ever happen but it intrigued me. So I decided to give him the eye dilation test. And wouldn’t you know it his eyes dilated when he looked at me. Even Leila agreed that they did. “What does that even mean?” I told him what it meant and he freaked. “Whoa! No way I don’t like Christian…” We all laughed and he was still skeptical so I told him to try it on Leila. His eyes didn’t dilate. “Damn,” he said.

Leila included at the end that Frankie was an excellent kisser. I looked at her with a smile. “Really?”

Last was English before Wiffle Ball for SOAR. And guess who was back from his recent suspension for mooning a girl? Douggy! He came in being a real asswipe or… Doug as I call it. He said to Frankie and their friend Sam, “Guys we have to say hi yo Christian in a proper way.” And then he said in the queen type gay voice including a girly pose and a tongue smack, “Haaay!” God I have to admit it was pretty funny. I forgot Doug got suspended right after everyone found out so he didn’t realize everything had kind of blown over by now. The best part about it was that Frankie actually had my back when Doug mocked me which I thought was really sweet of him, seeing how he usually always took Doug’s side on everything.

Our game was ruined however by the Mentoring kids, who I recently noticed all seem to look the same. It was way too crowded and they were making way too much noise than necessary. They also for some reason laughed after every strike one of their friends had, which annoyed the hell out of me. I looked over at Frankie and realized he had been pretty pissed the Mentoring kids were here, too.

On our way to our lockers at the end of the day Doug followed me saying, “Wait up, wait up!” in his gay queen voice. “What do you want, Doug?” I said trying to seem annoyed and not letting him know I was laughing at him. “A buttfuck,” he said in his normal voice again. I had the perfect comeback. “That can be arranged.” I got the laughs and Doug told his friends. Back at my locker Nick walked by and made the usual “faggot” remark. Somehow when he says it it annoys me, but no one else. Maybe because he really wants it to sting.

On the bus ride home Brian came to me and smacked me with his hat that had what felt like rocks in it. “Ow! What’s in there?” He had a pair of leather gloves and so I just had to try them on. They were pretty damn sweet so I decided to keep them… At least until tomorrow.

When I got home I had to take the old LOVE seat with my brother and put it on the front walk so it can go out in the trash. We had a huge struggle and I even got caught out on the top porch where we would be throwing it off of. We eventually got it through the doorway to the porch and watched it fall two stories to the ground below. Mommy was pissed however since we dented the gutter so she told me to fix it. So I hopped the railing, dangerously perching myself along the edge of the porch. It was actually pretty scary. But I just told myslelf to not think about falling and dying and that sort of stuff…

Once it was all done I was finally able to relax. Tomorrow we will be getting our new couch! Hooray! It’s actually really awesome. It’s a corner leather couch. Every seat reclines. It has a chaise at the end and even cup holders, which i king of found tacky but still awesome. I can’t wait!

Love.

Oh wow…

Today was my usual routine, except that Ricky and Billy wasn’t at breakfast when I got there. But I did get to eat with Amanda and Venus today. Happy St. Patrick’s Day! Amanda and Venus were dressed in all green, including bows, their clothes, necklaces, and a large green hat. I realized my attire was not according to the holiday today. We usually celebrate my mom’s birthday today, though. Yep. My mom was born on this day. We would be celebrating it later by cleaning her car.

Classes started with Latin, in which I had to go back to my locker mid-class to get my homework which I worked hard for last night and wasn’t about to have it missing today. Next was FACS, where we would be cooking our pretzels today. We were able to shape them any way we wanted. I wanted to do something interesting, and it came to me. Shaira thought it was the cutest thing. And I made two so I could interlock them. Can’t guess? Here’s a hint:

English and Science were the usual. Then was Drama. Boy was I pissed at the teacher. She gave us a test today, but she obviously didn’t know how to make one because she ended up asking us questions about the school play which I never saw… I was going to write a note but didn’t want to bother. I was passing this class anyway for showing up.

Lunch was… odd. The boys wanted to mess with me some more so this time Frankie did the finger in the fly trick, which I just giggled at. They also teased Billy because I said if I had the chance I would kiss him. They were saying that if that was true then it would be happening sometime soon. Clever. At the end of lunch they were trying to turn me on by lifting up their shirts. And I’ll be honest… It did. Ricky did it first to which I responded, “Keep going.” Me and my mouth. Then Nick did it which the boys obviously caught me being interested. I probably should have looked away a few seconds into it but it was too tempting.

We started a propaganda project in History in groups, which for me included this boy Jonathan, who may just be my answer to the cutest boy in school question. He is perfect. Great body, dark blond curly hair, sweet blue eyes, and braces, which I seem to find a total turn on! And lastly we had Math. I was paying attention perfectly in class until I got a call from the office saying I had to go down later.

At the end of the day I went down where I was sat down by the principal and the guidance counselor. I was first asked the usual how I’m doing and how my grades were. Then it was down to business. At first I thought they found out I was gay and wanted to talk about it and if I was getting trouble. But they had told me that someone reported me smoking. It was apparently a worried friend but a worried friend wouldn’t lie. They acted all worried and said they were going to call my mom. Oh god… Though I think I handled it well by laughing at them and walking out.

When I went back to my locker to pack up, John came over to me and asked what was up with me and the office. I told him and he just gave a puzzled look. “I know,” I said to him. I met up with Brian and told him about it, and he just laughed. I almost put my thumb and index up t my lips as I was walking by the office to mess with the teachers but they weren’t there and I think I got the message across by being a smartass.

When I got home I talked to my mom about it. She had gotten the call and apparently argued with them. She said to them that if it was one of her other kids she would listen but not me. She also said that if I were to ever go to the office it would be for knocking someones teeth in seeing all the crap I put up with. She thinks that the comments on my being gay were because of my earring. Thank god she’s off the trail on that one. She says she want us to communicate more but I think she knows all she needs to.

Boy I hope my mom didn’t say too much otherwise I may end up back in the office about my other problems…

Love.

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