Family


A special thank you to all who encouraged me to finally tell my parents, and helped me obtain the courage i needed to say it to them! Hugs and Love to you all!

Well my boring school day isn’t important but I guess I have to describe the whole day. I came into the hangout as usual, yet this time greeted by a glomp, defined as a powerful hug that causes you to go a bit off balance, from Ian. We did our usual thing talking about current events in our lives and how our weekend went. I wasn’t thinking about anything except what was going to happen when I told my folks, though.

So it started with Math, semi-bore, then Latin, where I am starting to get irritated with Devon since he’s acting like I’m disgusting now and denies it too when it’s clear as day. Then was science, eh… Then gym, where we’re starting health class by talking about drugs and alcohol and the same noise they’ve been spewing at us since kindergarten. Next was lunch where I sat with Rita and Shaira, a nice break from the usual asses I sit with. Next was History, English, then Drama.

I had to stay after because I had to get some late work through with. At some point I think I had lost my mind because with the stress of Ian waiting along with what was about to occur, I had said something in which I immediately kicked myself. The teacher had said, “Oh, I am so tired I have to deal with all you kids!” Somehow I had just thought of her as a normal person, to which I responded, “Stop complaining.” And, oh, she shot me down cold. she had this long run-on sentence about my disrespect and that kind of noise and now I have a detention.

Now for the highlight of the day. Hooray! Ian had ended up waiting for me along with Shaira, too. So we took my route home, talking to each other about the good times in our lives (his arm around me). Then we walked into my house, and at this point I was ready to vomit. I walked up to my mom, after kicking my sister out of the room, and said, “Mom?” And nothing else. I was trying to get the words out. I tried to let Ian tell her but he didn’t. That wouldn’t have been a good thing though. I needed to tell her myself. She had started to get irritated which got me more frustrated. I kept trying to go through with this at the right angle. Then…

“I’m gay.” Oh, lord! I didn’t want it to just come out like that! “No you’re not!” was my mom’s first impression. Like this was a surprise. No one ever believes me. Makes sense, though, seeing as I don’t look, act, talk, or seem gay in any way. Boy I would’ve passed off as the perfect straight guy. After I insisted I wasn’t lying she was speechless. She just sent both me and Ian away as she called my father.

Me and Ian went outside where we sat on the bench on our porch. I felt like throwing up for good now. Ian tried to reassure me it was all going to be okay but I still had those worries. We just waited and talked until my mom said that my dad wanted to talk on the phone.

“Hey,” Dad began over the phone in a private room. “What’s going on?” I told him it was hard enough telling mom and I didn’t want to repeat it. “That’s fine. Look. I’m not mad. I don’t love you any less than I did ten minutes ago.” (Where have I heard that before?) ” I love you all the same. I just want to know why you would tell all your friends at school this and not us. Maybe it was a relief or something. I don’t know. But I don’t want you to be defined as what your sexuality is. I don’t want you to be ‘that gay guy’ or anything like that. And you can see how this can come off as a shock to your mother and I, right?” I agreed, also telling him how he’s handling it better than mom was. “Well that’s her then. But I don’t want it to seem like we care about you less.” We continued to talk about those things until mom came in the room wanting to talk to dad some more. He had suggested I send Ian home.

I went back out to Ian and told him what happened. He said that he hoped everything works out for me, and gave me a hug goodbye. From that point on I just sat on the porch thinking, trying not to throw up, and listening to The Cure.

I try to laugh about it
Cover it all up with lies
I try and Laugh about it
Hiding the tears in my eyes
’cause boys don’t cry
Boys don’t cry


My mom later called me in to take my medicine (I’ve been on Azithromycin for my bronchitis I’ve had for a while now) and to talk to her about it.

She wasn’t happy about Ian being there so she couldn’t react correctly. The thing was I never ended up telling her about me and Ian seeing as she and my dad didn’t want me being in a relationship at my age. I would’ve told them but something didn’t let me. I probably would have if she asked but she would have never expected it, even though I told her Ian was bisexual.

She also said that she wasn’t crying about this because of me being gay, but that I chose to talk to my friends first before her and that I don’t really tell her much of anything these days. I really felt bad about it seeing as she felt so strongly about it, too.

Dad also came home to repeat our conversation over the phone in more depth and in person. He left my room at the end of it, gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek saying, “I love you, son.”

Well now it’s over… Almost. My siblings still don’t know but  they will eventually. I just don’t think they’ll be as understanding as my parents were. Things I think are still cooling down between me and my parents but I hope it all works out in the end.

Love.

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Oh wow…

Today was my usual routine, except that Ricky and Billy wasn’t at breakfast when I got there. But I did get to eat with Amanda and Venus today. Happy St. Patrick’s Day! Amanda and Venus were dressed in all green, including bows, their clothes, necklaces, and a large green hat. I realized my attire was not according to the holiday today. We usually celebrate my mom’s birthday today, though. Yep. My mom was born on this day. We would be celebrating it later by cleaning her car.

Classes started with Latin, in which I had to go back to my locker mid-class to get my homework which I worked hard for last night and wasn’t about to have it missing today. Next was FACS, where we would be cooking our pretzels today. We were able to shape them any way we wanted. I wanted to do something interesting, and it came to me. Shaira thought it was the cutest thing. And I made two so I could interlock them. Can’t guess? Here’s a hint:

English and Science were the usual. Then was Drama. Boy was I pissed at the teacher. She gave us a test today, but she obviously didn’t know how to make one because she ended up asking us questions about the school play which I never saw… I was going to write a note but didn’t want to bother. I was passing this class anyway for showing up.

Lunch was… odd. The boys wanted to mess with me some more so this time Frankie did the finger in the fly trick, which I just giggled at. They also teased Billy because I said if I had the chance I would kiss him. They were saying that if that was true then it would be happening sometime soon. Clever. At the end of lunch they were trying to turn me on by lifting up their shirts. And I’ll be honest… It did. Ricky did it first to which I responded, “Keep going.” Me and my mouth. Then Nick did it which the boys obviously caught me being interested. I probably should have looked away a few seconds into it but it was too tempting.

We started a propaganda project in History in groups, which for me included this boy Jonathan, who may just be my answer to the cutest boy in school question. He is perfect. Great body, dark blond curly hair, sweet blue eyes, and braces, which I seem to find a total turn on! And lastly we had Math. I was paying attention perfectly in class until I got a call from the office saying I had to go down later.

At the end of the day I went down where I was sat down by the principal and the guidance counselor. I was first asked the usual how I’m doing and how my grades were. Then it was down to business. At first I thought they found out I was gay and wanted to talk about it and if I was getting trouble. But they had told me that someone reported me smoking. It was apparently a worried friend but a worried friend wouldn’t lie. They acted all worried and said they were going to call my mom. Oh god… Though I think I handled it well by laughing at them and walking out.

When I went back to my locker to pack up, John came over to me and asked what was up with me and the office. I told him and he just gave a puzzled look. “I know,” I said to him. I met up with Brian and told him about it, and he just laughed. I almost put my thumb and index up t my lips as I was walking by the office to mess with the teachers but they weren’t there and I think I got the message across by being a smartass.

When I got home I talked to my mom about it. She had gotten the call and apparently argued with them. She said to them that if it was one of her other kids she would listen but not me. She also said that if I were to ever go to the office it would be for knocking someones teeth in seeing all the crap I put up with. She thinks that the comments on my being gay were because of my earring. Thank god she’s off the trail on that one. She says she want us to communicate more but I think she knows all she needs to.

Boy I hope my mom didn’t say too much otherwise I may end up back in the office about my other problems…

Love.

This is my first blog I’ve ever done so I barely have a clue what to do but I will get it done. I guess I will start by telling you about myself.

I am a 13 year old boy named Christian (of course last names won’t be revealed). I always enjoy writing and drawing, unless I draw with color, I ruin my good work that way. I stick to sketches. I’m also very into music, but I hate all the rap and R&B or new wave pop. Basically what people these days consider music. But I enjoy music that’s played with actual instruments. I don’t mind a bit of generated tones but there is a point where the song is eventually ruined.

The name “Tortoise’s Shell” is my own term for being “in the closet”. Yes, that’s right, it’s not a typo. I never really remember when I started to like guys, but by my guess it was about two years ago. I remember that I used to like girls but that was when I was easily affected by peer pressure. I guess somewhere in the 6th grade I just suddenly felt I was more into guys than girls, and girls just became friends to me.

Some of my friends know how I feel about guys but they all believe that I’m bisexual. I don’t know why I didn’t just come out right with the fact that I’m gay when I told them. It all sort of happened like this:

“Hey Christian are you bi?” (That is where I think it went wrong) “Why do you want to know?” I said back. ” ‘Cause there’s a guy I know who is upset that there’s no other bi guys at the school.” So then I just seemed to feel it was okay to tell someone. “Don’t tell no one but yeah.”

I don’t know how I’m supposed to tell people now since I am well known by people as bisexual. I still kick myself for not coming out straight with people (no pun intended).

There are still some of my friends who don’t know about me being bi still though. I decided not to tell them because I still don’t know how they would take it and I don’t want to risk losing some good friends. Thank god jackasses don’t know about me yet, too. Because I know how they would respond.

My parents do not know about me yet either. I want to tell them so bad but I just have no idea how to tell them the truth. They always said that they would love me either way if I was, but that’s when they were joking about it, quoting the show Seinfeld.

I have a feeling that my mom will be just fine with it, seeing as how she always is the one who will say that it’s no big deal and you’ll be just fine. My dad however is a mystery. I don’t know whether or not he will be okay with me when I finally come out. I definitely have intentions of letting them know about me, but I don’t think it will happen any time soon. Though I am getting sick of their constant comments on me getting a girlfriend. Every time they say something like that I just want to explode with everything and tell them who I really am. Nut I just giggle and tell them nothing.

My mom thinks I like these two girls in the 7th grade but they really are just my best friends. She thinks they like me or something but I don’t think that’s the case. Besides if that was the case and I found out, I would probably just tell them that I am really just gay. They want older guys anyway.

I won’t post too often but I will try to do it as much as possible. I most likely won’t post on weekends because nothing exciting or blog worthy will happen then. If so then yeah sure I’d talk about it but it probably won’t happen.

Hugs and love to all 🙂